Hi all, my name is Catherine Kluge. I am currently a 21 year old college student majoring in social work and sociology. And if that wasn't enough I am also a double minor in psychology and women's studies. I've always loved learning so once I got to college picking up majors and minors didn't seem like too much of a big deal to me (going into my senior year there are some doubts lol). I thought I would have my first blog post describing myself in case this reaches anyone who actually doesn't know me personally. So let's begin..
Like everyone on this earth I have been through my share of trauma and hardship. I don't believe my pain to be any more severe than yours and I hope that's not what you take from this posting. Not to be cliché, but truly what I have been through has made me the empathetic, strong, resilient, and bad ass woman I am today. I'm sure those of you who may not know are wondering who that chick is in my picture up there --
On January 26th, 2015 I lost my very best friend Gabrielle to suicide. She was 15. Her loss is something I am very open about even though the conversation of suicide makes so many uncomfortable. Why is that exactly? I'll save that for another post. I was 16 when Gabbie took her life. In the middle of my junior year of high school which I would have to finish out with out my best friend navigating me on what prom dress to buy or when I should stop giving my boyfriend the silent treatment. I don't want to go too much into detail on Gabbie's death in this initial post because it deserves it own sole posting. But losing Gabbie changed me - at first into a terrifying depressed mess but eventually into who I am today. And that person is still growing and learning and sometimes still is a depressed and terrifying mess but I have come one hell of a way.
Since losing Gabbie I have advocated for mental health and suicide prevention in many ways, got Gabbie her own tree planted at our local park, and have continued to live my life hoping to make her proud. And I CANNOT take all the credit. The past 4 years I have had amazing support systems which are also constantly changing. Friends who I may not be as close with anymore but truly pathed the way for my healing. Thank you to the girls who bought me milkshakes just to help me get through the school day. Thank you to those who stood at Gabbie's tree with me in below freezing weather to release lanterns on her anniversary. And to the anyone who I crossed paths with these past 4 years who showed their love for me, I thank you. And my family, oh God my family. Words can't describe what they've done for me. Dad, thank you for being my rock and always reminding me that out of everyone in this world you are the only person who truly understands. Mom, thank you for staying up all night with me and letting me sleep in your bed when I was too afraid to face my room with Gabbie's bed untouched. My sisters, thank you for reminding me of true beauty and faith. You are my best friends and thank you for all the times you just checked in to check in.
So, with all that being said I created this blog I guess mostly for me - but also for you. I needed an outlet to put into words what I have gone through and continue to go through. When Gabbie first passed away I would receive messages saying how strong and brave I am but, I want those people to realize I wasn't always the brave face I was posting about. And maybe you or someone you know is going through a loss - not just from suicide but any kind of loss and doesn't feel heard or understood. I hear you. And I am here.
Live in peace, not pieces
- Cat
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